There's only one other time I've felt a 'no' shake me as tremendously as today. It was in 2012 when I went to New York mid winter with my sister. This was a two week visit and I proudly brought with me a submission for publication for a 360pg book I'd written. With an overly-eager smile I asked the man at Penguin Publishing Co. if I could deliver my submission to the publishing team. It was my reason for traveling to NYC. He turned me away with directions to the mail room. Outside. Through the garage. Down a rickety elevator. And there I tossed my Manila wrapped pages into the bin while choking back tears.
My breath was equally choked this morning as I opted away from the elevator and took a slow walk down the stairs to regain my compossure. This is after I walked into the agency and was abruptly greeted with some change-of-flight options. A kick out the door for myself and another 25% of the agency's models in town. I felt transported back to that mail room and faced with a bin that might as well be labeled 'discard dreams here'.
I didn't give up on the book. Eight re-writes followed along with a wealth of writing experience I still benefit from in every email, blog, or letter I form. I don't intend to give up modeling either. I'm signed with top agencies in New York and London, armed with magazine tears from Singapore including a recent cover. I take this as a slap in the face. I let myself become stuck in the numbness of routine and it's time to wake up... *ouch*